DEEPAK CHOPRA: What Every Woman Should Know
by Yasmin Boland

In 1970, with just a few hundred dollars in the pockets of his flares, an Indian doctor named Deepak Chopra moved from New Delhi to the US of A to start a new life. He began work as an endocrinologist (ie: an endocrine system expert) but that was then… Today he is known as (. . . drum roll please . . .) SPIRITUAL ADVISOR TO THE STARS. In a nutshell, he's now the world's number one New Age advisor. His books - from Unconditional Life to The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success to The Path To Love - have been translated into 25 languages and he's had more books on the New York Times best sellers list than most of us have had love affairs. He's an expert in Finding Your True Self And Spirit, in Mind-Body Medicine and General Spook Stuff. And he doesn't mind sharing. Before I met Deepak at his San Diego, California health spa, I wondered what theories he might have for women. He seems has theories for just about everything else (he's currently working on a book with the working title What Is God Thinking?). How can we cement who it is that we're going to/want to be. Life is full of non-stop emotional growth - we just nee to decide what we want to do with life and to start to building confidence in ourselves as we set our goals. So: What Should Every Woman Know? 1. LIVE IN THE PRESENT Deepak's first reply was slightly unexpected; he said that while preparing for the future is a Very Important Thing, it's not the be all and end all. The reason is simple; while we need to consider future options, (eg: Finishing Studies Vs Starting Work Vs Travelling The World Vs Getting Married Vs Starting Your Own Business), too much forward-planning can actually "hinder" rather than help our cause. Because if we're always thinking about the future (or regretting the past), we might just miss out on noticing what's happening in our present, where you building blocks for the future are being set up. "Any time is a good time to develop yourself, and the best way to prepare for the future is to be very present in the present," he explained. So we should live for the moment, enjoy the day and stop worrying about past mistakes, next month's finances and/or if you should join the workforce/become a Buddhist monk. Stop angsting over whether or not that bloke will ever call or what the future holds. Live in the 'now' as Deepak (and a whole herd of psychologists) call it, and your past errors will fade from memory while your future sorts its self out because of your actions today. Tip: Sports psychologists have a simple method for helping clients get back into 'thinking in the now' when their minds wander. If you're drifting off thinking about the past or future when it's more appropriate to live in the 'now' simply draw breath and have a look at your surroundings. Notice what's on the walls around you; is it wallpaper or paint? What colour is it? Can you smell scents or odours? What can you hear? This simple technique will bring you back to the present. 2. GET IN TOUCH WITH THE BEAUTY IN AND AROUND YOU You probably spend hours in front of the mirror, preening yourself, smiling, checking for new wrinkles, trying out various make-up methods and so on. You probably even make an effort to keep your room/flat tidy - hey, how great does it feel to slip between clean sheets in a well-ordered bedroom? Maybe you have a Spoil Yourself after-shower/bath oil ritual or you allot one night a week for deep conditioning your hair/you make one fashion investment a fortnight/you get pedicures. If you do any of these self-indulgent activities, you're on the right path to getting in touch with the beauty within and around you. And according to Deepak, you are doing exactly the right thing. Wimmin's Lib notwithstanding, he says that women should enjoy their femininity, express and live it, pampering themselves in between being a worker, friend, and maybe girlfriend. After all, what's the point of having two genders if we all act he same? No one's saying we shouldn't take out the garbage/mow the lawn/become an astronaut if that's our fancy, but we shouldn't forget to pamper our inner female too. (For the record, this works for men equally - they would be well advised to get in touch with their feminine side every now and then, but that's another story.) Deepak reckons that getting in touch with inner beauty helps build confidence as a woman. One day a week, wear something very sensual. Velvets, lace, jewelry, whatever most suits your fancy. Enjoy your femininity. Lash out on essential oils/incenses/flowers for your flat or bedroom. Luxuriate in their scents. Have candle lit bubble baths. If you've read this one million times in magazines and never done it - treat yourself! Make a list of five all-time-classic books you plan to read in 2000 and stick to it. Educating your mind will boost your self-esteem. Give someone you love a massage. Enjoy the feeling of giving someone else pleasure. Get someone you love to give you a massage. Learn to receive sensual pleasure. Dance alone in your room with the curtains closed and the stereo on high volume. Go for a mix of slow, trance-like tunes to something energy boosting. Look in the mirror once a day and love yourself, rather than noticing your spots/too big/too small nose/funny chin/thin/fat lips. 3. LOVE YOURSELF Now to your inner self. Gulp. Of course, when you meet Deepak, it has to get down to Your Soul or Your Spirit, eventually. As Deepak puts it, we are all just "a bundle of consciousness" and we need to get in touch with that bundle. "You are not just a human being. You are a being having a human experience," he explains slightly cryptically. The first step to getting in touch with your spiritual side is to find calm. Deepak, in fact, suggests going further and learning to meditate. Either way, a regular relaxation session will de-stress you - not because it takes the stressful events out of your life but because it equips you to better cope with them. Of meditation versus sitting quietly he says: "As a start, sitting quietly is not the same thing as formal meditation, and doesn't take you to the same level of awareness, but it will help you relax." Learning to meditate is about as complicated as learning how to fall asleep and there are dozens of free and middling-to-exxy courses around, so check one out if you're serious about calming your inner (feminine) self. Deepak recommends designating a week when you decide to concentrate on your own inner beauty via meditation. To do this, pamper yourself heartily (try one of the ways described above or something that's tailor-made for you by you) and then once a day, find 15 minutes to sit quietly breathing easily and/or meditating, contemplating your feminine wiles. If you have time, he recommends meditating twice a day; you can plan out your day in the morning session while the afternoon/early evening one helps release stresses built up along the way. "If you did a week of harnessing (your inner beauty), it would take you very far. "Meditation is the best way to expand the mind. It's the only way to consciously accelerate evolution. One day it will be taught in schools." 4. LOVE OTHERS Now to the really good stuff; love. When it comes to this, Deepak's from the "dance like there's nobody watching" school of thought. Love joyously, he says. If you follow his advice about living in the present, you'll be able to learn from past mistakes without dwelling on relationships that went nowhere and/or tore you apart. You'll enjoy the new ones and if you really relax, they might even be fairly plain sailing (either that or it will be crystal clear that they are going nowhere, dammit!) Deepak says there are seven stages of love: Attraction, infatuation, communion, intimacy and sexuality, surrender, passion and ecstasy. "Ideally speaking in a love affair or a romantic relationship we should have the experience of all seven states, but most people don't get beyond having the first four." Let down your barriers and 'love like you've never been hurt', as the saying goes. "Courtship allows trust grow," he adds, so make it romantic. And if along the way you do have a few heart-shaped bruises, take strength from Deepak's philosophical attitude to broken hearts. "They are helpful - that's how you grow up," he says. With is OK for him to say as he's been happily married for years and probably can't remember the last time his heart was wrenched from his chest. But he also has a point. "You learn through broken hearts, and without them you could never appreciate good music, arts, beauty or poetry. So much comes from broken hearts. It's part of growing up and something to learn from - and yet it can be very devastating, if that's how you feel it." 5. LOOK AFTER YOUR BODY In the mind-body-spirit paradigm, of course, once you've looked after your spirit (expanding it by loving everyone) and your mind (calming it by meditating), you're going to have to look after your body. Which means no smoking, no getting pissed until you throw up (well, not too often anyhow), no eating a beef burger and fries when there's an organic chicken burger and roasted-not-fried wedges joint just down the road. And so on. Deepak is the first to stress that it's not about denying your body, but nurturing it. As a practitioner of Aruveydic medicine, he likes nothing better than a bowl of Dahl (tasty yellow Indian lentil soup) for lunch. But he also drinks coffee and quite possibly even eats the odd bit of white meat or fish at those glitzy Hollywood functions he attends with his celeb mates. One thing he doesn't do, though, is smoke. And as a former two-pack-a-day man, he isn't being a martyr. He knows all about the tyranny of nicotine and suggests; "A good way to stop smoking is to 'smoke consciously' which means that when you're about to smoke, take your cigarette out and don't do anything else - don't be on the phone, don't read, don't talk to anyone, don't have a coffee. Sit alone and smoke the cigarette and be totally aware of what's happening in your body and even ask your body if it likes it and you will get a strong 'No'. "Smoke consciously and you will stop."   Click here to visit Deepak Chopra's excellent site ...   Read about the surburban goddess known as Cara in my novel ... c. Yasmin Boland 1999 www.yasminboland.com